Imposter Syndrome Redux

I got a call from a client recently who said he was suffering from imposter syndrome. What followed was a powerful interaction that he’s agreed to let me share.

This client is a lawyer preparing for a high-stakes mediation. When he’s in the room with other attorneys, he feels like he’s missing something in the verbal exchanges, as if they’re speaking in a secret code he isn’t in on. He’s afraid he’s overlooking subtleties and nuances that everyone else sees clearly.

Here’s the thing: I know this lawyer well. He’s one of the sharpest and most verbally skilled people I’ve ever met. I don’t know anyone who can express himself as precisely and eloquently as he can. I sincerely doubt there’s anything being said in that room that he doesn’t pick up on. And I suspect he knows that, at least cognitively. But that doesn’t change how he feels.

This is classic imposter syndrome.

There are true imposters out there, people operating outside their expertise or genuinely lacking competence. That’s not this client. He’s operating in his wheelhouse and has all the tools he needs. But he fears that he doesn’t. That fear is the entire issue.

I challenged him: “Do you really think you’re missing something in those conversations?”

He paused, then admitted that no, he doesn’t actually believe that.

Then I asked, “Do you think you’re the only one in the room who feels incompetent even when they aren’t?”

That question stopped him. He realized he genuinely believes the other lawyers don’t have doubts.

Imposter syndrome has a name because it’s common. Some people are unusually confident, and some slide into sociopathy or delusion, but most humans—especially high performers—experience self-doubt. There are skills and practices that steadily build confidence over time, but there are no instant cures. Confidence grows; self-doubt fades into the background. But that takes weeks or months to cultivate.

His mediation is the next day. My job in this moment is to free up some mental bandwidth so he can perform at his best now.

The short-term solution is acceptance.

We talk about the idealized lawyers from movies—the ones who deliver brilliant insights and trap a witness with a single question. How could they do that if they were thinking about all the ways they might fail? In real life, people do have self-doubt. But when they ruminate on it, they cripple themselves. Rumination consumes cognitive resources that are desperately needed for presence, listening, strategy, and creativity.

When you accept that you—as a normal human being—experience self-doubt, the rumination starts to loosen its grip. You stop making the doubt special or defining. You simply become another person living and working. Your bandwidth returns to the task at hand.

In my work with my clients, we often enter into a deep process in which we identify a part of the mind that’s being unhelpful. In this case it would be the fear of incompetence. Then I guide the client through a Gestalt-style conversation with that part to understand what it’s trying to accomplish and help it adopt a more useful role. If you’ve never done Gestalt work before, it may sound odd, but when a client commits to it, it can be remarkably powerful.

If you’re experiencing imposter syndrome—or any fear that interferes with your work or quality of life—reach out. I’d be happy to help you free yourself from that burden and build long-term confidence.